it all returns to nothing.

It has been 5 months since I last blogged. Life has been hectic like hell, and I could hardly spend some time for myself. I have practically no time to relax and unwind from the busy-ness of school life. All in all, life in form 5 just sucks. 3 more months till the SPM and I am here, fidgeting. I seriously do not know how I will fare in my examinations. It's just unpredictable. Well, since the holidays are here already, I shall blog about what happened recently. It's really disheartening when I talk about it. So I shall translate the myriad of feelings into words.

On the 31st of March, you confessed to me. I was rather befuddled, but I decided to give us a chance to start anew. I liked you. You were indifferent. And what I liked most about you was that you were understanding and you were always there to comfort me when I am feeling blue. When I was terribly ill and alone, you drove to my house to take care of me. How could I ever express my gratitude to you? I could never repay my gratefulness to you. You said, "It is okay.. It is my responsibility." I was so greatly moved by that 7 words. Although it was just a simple sentence, it was enough to heal me - physically and emotionally.

Through tough times, you were my confidante. My happy pills. Life was just great then. From misery, you turned misery into pure bliss. I was overwhelmed with emotions, I just didn't know what to say. I love those mushy and cheesy words you ceaselessly whispered into my ears. It was a sweet sound. You did not shower me with gifts and my whims and fancies. You showered me with something much greater than any gifts - love, affection and happiness. That was when my heart told me that you were the one who held the key to my heart. I wanted this to be immortal. I wished that the world would stop revolving around us, time would stop at that split second. Everything would be still and we were the only one dancing and holding each other till the very end.

Our relationship wasn't perfect. We argued often, even about the smallest petty things. We often involve ourself in disputes. We raise our voice, find fault of each other, say hurtful words that pokes sorrows into our souls, and so forth. Sometimes I would call it quits when we quarreled. Tears would swell up in my eyes, and we would agree on going on our own separate ways. Nonetheless, no matter how upset we feel, we never hesitate to apologise to each other and make up afterwards. You would buy me flowers or chocolates to put a smile on my face. To forgive and to forget.

It was such a short period of time, and yet it felt like we have known each other for umpteenth years. People would say it is puppy love, but we felt that our love was growing stronger everyday and nothing could split us apart. And often I would sit down and wonder, why I chose you at the first place. We only started out as childhood friends since year 3, which was 8 years ago. And it seems like we progressed 'so much' this year. I had no regrets about that at all. The experience was worthwhile.

One faithful day, you asked me out. I had no idea what you were going to tell me but my instincts told me that it was something bad was going to happen. You looked typically worried that day. Out of concern, I asked you why, but you refused to tell me. Me, with my outstanding curious attitude, made you spill the beans.

'Dar... I'll be....leaving for Sydney in 3 weeks time'

I was too dumbfounded to say anything. The thought that strucked my mind was, will long distance relationships work?

'When will you come back again?"

'When me and my family settle down in Sydney, then I would probably come back here, but I don't think so'

That broke my heart because I knew that I was on the verge of losing someone whom I really loved. There was no turning back already, and this was a dead end. Long distance relationships never work, even if you're 101% committed. Distance always remain as a problem. We're over 500 miles apart. It would never work no matter how long we persevered.

On the day you left, you gave me a red rose, symbolizing that your love for me is eternal. I faked a smile, and I knew that the rose would somehow wither and die.

I gave you my last hug, whispered my last words and gave you a bottle of 99 stars where I wrote my messages there.

'There are always consequences you have to face on whatever decisions you make. If you choose to open up the stasr, you will get to see the lovely words on it but the stars will not remain as stars anymore. Normal pieces of crumpled paper. '

And as I saw you walking away, that was when I knew it all ended there.

CHEESY RIGHT? Heh. But it really happened to me. Just wanna share by the way.