8 months.

I've not blogged for 8 months. WTF.

Scold me or hit me, I don't mind. Well, of course the latter is a lie. I don't want to be beaten up like a mashed potato.

I got deeper. It wasn't my intention to be in this situation, at all. Day by day, I realised that I'm going deeper and deeper. I've tried countless times to put this to an end, initially I thought that I was over and done with it, but I realised that I stepped much deeper into this situation, subconsciously. I never knew what happened, and since I'm at this stage, I guess its tough to escape from this entire situation.

It all seemed that it happened very abruptly and history seemed to be repeating itself. The whole cycle repeats again, and it becomes a mundanity, where I'm starting to feel a bit sick and tired. I conceal everything, trying not to leave a trace, because I don't want you to figure out the puzzle. But, hey, its impossible to hide everything, because the more you want to hide, the more obvious it becomes. I am certainly not a puzzle for you to solve, and I don't want you to know. Not at all.

I caught myself fixing my eyes on you, checking on you instantly, worried about your welfare, just everything. Rumours about you got me thinking, it gave a tinge of jealousy. I was angry. Angry because you were so committed, and yet I was nothing but a passerby. I was afraid that you are actually sabotaging every effort, and thus, jeopardizing everything. Perhaps you can say that I'm obsessive, and insecure.

I felt glad, for once, when you decided to take a break from, everything. I was perplexed, when you had a mental breakdown, but what could I do? I could only watch helplessly because I didn't want to make it obvious. At the same time, I felt anger burning in me. For once, why can't you just let go everything? Why are you dedicating half of your life to this, when you're not even given credit for what you've done?

And it was merely because, the hardest part wasn't letting go, not taking part.

It is undeniable that you have a special bond with them. You're dedicated, committed and you're going back to the starting point once again. Regret, you regretted taking that path, and after walking for a distance, you can no longer bear it anymore and therefore you run back to your starting point. I think you were being stupid, or perhaps, you're just different from me. You have the chance, you can seize every opportunity in your hands, while I do not.

Because, I simply do not have it within my hands. Mixed feelings, I'm frustrated, angry, helpless, emotionally tired, I feel that you're stupid, I pity you, and I found myself, liking you. Ironically, this is the second time, at the first time, I felt bliss, because I believed that you felt the same way as I did. Chatting about the good times till the wee hours of the morning, sharing our past hurt and regrets, cheering each other up, and being ourselves.

That is a memory to be missed.

I know that the world is always on the move, constantly changing, and I can't just expect things to go my way.

I realize that you've changed as well, perhaps, you're becoming nothing but a stranger to me. Memories are hurtful, I know that, but it feels that I'll never see you again.

Reviving the good memories? I don't dare to speak, or even move, because all has changed, and I am not ready to adapt to this new phase yet.

Maybe I should just leave things alone, simply because I want my memories to be remained that way, all to sweet to be remembered.