I could only hear the sound coming from the television, and nothing more. The atmosphere is quite cold, as I would describe it.

Few hours ago, mum and dad quarreled. A bit of arguing here and there sparked a quarrel, and then, a verbal fight. Those words are still ringing in my head, and I felt like burying my head in pillows to stop listening. To be frank with you, my parents' relationship was just on the so-so side. More of the arguments and I sort of got fed up with them.

I don't blame them, seriously. Its their life, and I truly respect them. And of course, their decisions as well. They weren't on good terms when I was fourteen, approximately 4 years ago. Would you say that their marriage is on the rocks? Not really, not close to that extend, but the thought of divorce came to my mind everytime when they argue about something. And so, I thought. What about me and my siblings? Can we cope ourselves? Soon, they reconciled, and things were back to normal again. So, I thought - okay, this is nothing. I was being too sensitive, anyway.

And now, me, seventeen going on eighteen, the cycle repeated again. How serious it is, I may not know, but the thought of my parents going separate ways never fail to flood my mind. I'm seventeen right now, so I guess I'm more mature than before, so I'm quite mentally prepared for it. I understand the root of the problem, so it wouldn't leave a rather deep scar in my life, maybe a slight scar. It would have been worse if this happened when I was way younger, because I was still naive and innocent, and to embrace changes, are kind of alien. I got intimidated.

I wonder, how long can mum put up with dad's egoistic chauvinistic attitude? Neither could I - it gets pretty exasperating when I'm in a conversation with him. We do see eye to eye, but not often. He claims that she's stubborn, and she takes things too seriously. And she says that he's being unreasonable and inconsiderate.

Despite of what is happening around me, I still view marriage as something positive, and definitely not something negative. But after all, I don't have the urge to tie the knot one day. Perhaps I've seen to much of the negative side of marriage. I know, marriage isn't scary at all. Not even a teeny bit. But, I guess I'm exposed more to the bad side instead of the good side. From my perspective, marriage isn't succumbing yourself to do's and don'ts. Marriage is a deeper level of a relationship.

I can't exactly picture what I feel, at the moment. Of course, every girl has their dream of meeting their knight in shining armour one day, even I myself, too. I'm open about relationships, and I have nothing against them, but I guess I'm still not ready to go into marriage. I'm saying it generally, when I'm older then. Because I may not be able to handle marriage, because it's a big thing, and of course, big power comes with big responsibilities. Too much to handle, in my opinion. I still choose to respect my boundaries, though.

I cannot deny the fact that I worry constantly about my future. I need to learn to be independent somehow, whether it's in a harsh way or not. Because in the end, you can't expect everything to go as you like.

And of course, with all the shitty people revolving around you, it's hard to actually see the light. Maybe one day you'll bond yourself to them, subconsciously. Oh man.

TOUCH WOOD.